This isn't the first post I had anticipated, but I needed an outlet to express my feelings and emotions at the moment. While part of me is in such sweet adoration of the Savior, God, born as a baby in a dirty feeding trough, come to save us not only from our sin and brokenness, but in our sin and brokenness, the other part of me is feeling just that - sinful and broken.
While I'd like to say that there has been less arguing in our house today, I would be lying. After good introvert morning - long run + time with the Lord, I prayed that I would be gracious and patient with my family (namely my mom). But in my brokenness and sin, I lost my patience and was far from gracious. While it may not have been "my fault" nor did I "deserve" the things that were said and occurred this morning, the fact is that I am far from faultless and far from deserving.
After leaving a voice mail with my sister, asking to call me back when she could, I realized that there wasn't really anyone else I could call today - who wants to listen to a crying, nose running girl who's having major, consistent conflict issues with her mother...on Christmas day? So this is my outlet...to not only express my hurt and sadness, but to remind myself of the fact that the Lord is the only one who was/is ever faultless and the only one who was/is deserving. It's not about me and my miserable Christmas morning. It's all about the God Son, humbled to the point of being a very part of the Creation He spoke into existence, for the sole purpose of bringing deserved glory to himself, through living a faultless life and dying an undeserving death to bring his broken and sinful people into a relationship with himself. One that never disappoints.
A few songs on my "sweet songs" playlist that I feel are perfect for this timing: "He Has Come for Us," "Christ is Risen," and "Love Me." I'm listening to them with tears streaming down my face. Depressing, right? At the moment, yes. But through them I'm quickly reminded of what I read this morning: "Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!" 2 Corinthians 9:15 Oh! And one more song that just came on, "C.S. Lewis Song." The very first words are one of my favorite quotes: "If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I was not made for here." I'm so thankful that this place (both my house + this world) are not my home.
Happy day celebrating the day Jesus came for us!
